It's been a long time since I posted a new poem (almost a year!). I don't write poems like I used to-- it is more rare when they happen. I miss the poems sometimes, but I've been songwriting more. There are a few poems as of late that I would like to share though. Here is one dealing with frustration in not feeling as close to the Lord as I used to. Maybe some of you can relate to periods of time when you feel distant to God-- if so, I hope you are blessed by this.
I'm slipping away,
fading into the sky blue wall behind me.
I didn't intend to hurt you.
I never meant to reject you.
I always ask: "Can you still hear me?"
So, can you still hear me?
Like David, I have searched for you with all my heart.
And found you at times like a child
finding a creek full of beautiful stones--
leaving saddened, dropping many--only able to carry
a few home in my tiny hands.
Sometimes I've found you like a monster in the dark,
full of fire and fury, breathing death on me.
Sometimes, I haven't found you at all--
sitting bored at my desk in the morning, then
deciding quickly to do something else instead--
the emptiness of the scripture on my heart
that's hard and decided already, a silence that
doesn't carry your voice but fear and isolation.
There was a time I went to the monastery
and bowed my head like a monk in the small
quiet chapel, asking, "Can you still hear me?"
Am I an idiot?
And now I have lost the energy to search,
angry and confused. I didn't mean to tease
you-- I'm still yours. I just wish
I were still an idiot for you.